Last month, we explored “The Courage to Feel”—the vital ability to stay present with our emotions rather than bypassing them. This month, I want to talk about what happens when we can’t access that courage—particularly for women who carry the invisible weight of medical trauma—and how that unprocessed trauma can quietly hijack our judgment in both personal and professional life.
What I’m Noticing (And Maybe You Are Too)
Perhaps you’ve seen it in yourself or others:
✅ The highly competent woman who pushes through pain and fatigue to avoid seeming “fragile.”
✅ The professional who declines leadership roles not because she isn’t qualified, but because she fears her body won’t cooperate.
✅ Or the friend who overgives in relationships but can’t ask for help—because asking has historically led to dismissal or judgment.
These aren’t just personality quirks.
This is trauma—specifically medical trauma—shaping instincts and choices in ways that often go unseen, even by us.
When the Nervous System Takes the Wheel
Medical trauma leaves deep imprints:
- Being dismissed or misdiagnosed.
- Having symptoms minimized.
- Experiencing invasive procedures with little emotional support.
All of this can leave the nervous system locked in survival mode, making snap decisions not based on clarity—but on protection.
That might look like:
- Saying yes to everything because rest feels unsafe.
- Shutting down in relationships because you learned no one really shows up.
- Ignoring your own intuition because you were told you can’t trust your body.
The “Escape Hatch” Pattern
When trauma drives our decisions, we develop what I call the escape hatch mentality—a reflex to get out fast when something feels hard.
Understandable? Yes.
Sustainable? Not really.
Every time we take that escape route—whether it’s ghosting a project, ending a relationship, or quitting a job—we reinforce the belief that challenge = danger.
But when we pause instead of escape, we create space to build:
- Distress tolerance
- Resilience
- Real trust in ourselves
Trauma at Work
Medical trauma shows up at work in subtle but impactful ways:
- Not asking for flexibility or rest, fearing you’ll seem “high maintenance.”
- Taking on too much to prove you’re still “capable.”
- Avoiding visibility or promotions, because what if your body fails you?
This isn’t weakness—it’s protection. But over time, it costs us clarity, opportunity, and confidence.
So What’s the Alternative?
Healing-informed decision-making doesn’t mean you’ll never be triggered again.
It means learning to choose from awareness, not from fear.
That includes:
🌀 The Pause – recognizing when your nervous system is reacting and slowing down
🌀 The Courage to Feel – sitting with discomfort instead of running from it
🌀 The Willingness to Receive – letting in support, even when it’s unfamiliar
🌀 The Strength to Stay – staying in your body, the moment, and the relationship
A Gentle Question for You
Where in your life might medical trauma still be making decisions?
Where are you pushing, avoiding, or retreating—not because it’s right, but because it feels safer than staying?
What might shift if you trusted yourself—and your body—again?
You don’t need perfect choices. You just need space.
Space between your wounds and your responses.
Space to choose.
Space to heal.
With compassion and hope,
Michele
If you found this newsletter helpful, please share it with someone who might benefit. And if you’re ready to explore how trauma might be affecting your own decision-making, I’d love to support you in that journey.
